Dear Readers
This is a copy of the letter Kate O'Halloran, my ex-husband's cousin, sent to all the Warner/O'Halloran relatives and family. Copies were also sent to my ex husband, Mr. Marty Warner, and several of my adult children. The letter was received, and was "dismissed."
This is a copy of the letter Kate O'Halloran, my ex-husband's cousin, sent to all the Warner/O'Halloran relatives and family. Copies were also sent to my ex husband, Mr. Marty Warner, and several of my adult children. The letter was received, and was "dismissed."
Most of my ex husband's relatives live in the Newberg, Oregon area and Snohomish, Washington area. Five of my adult children live in the Salem, Dallas and Monmouth, Oregon area near my ex husband. The loss of my children and the right to be a "mother" occurred in March 1996, over 15 years ago.
Coral Anika Theill
Comfort the disturbed, disturb the comfortable.
*Kate O'Halloran gave me permission to share her letter with anyone I wish and to publish it "for the cause" if needed. You may forward this letter.
June 1, 2008
Dear Family,
Greetings. I hope this letter finds you happy and well.
Dear Family,
Greetings. I hope this letter finds you happy and well.
I am writing because I recently became aware of a family situation of which I was previously rather ignorant. I am referring to what I perceive to have been,and continues to be, a matter of grave injustice, and for me, a matter that disturbs my heart greatly. I simply can not let it go without sharing my thoughts with you.
We all remember with great fondness, I know, our cousin, Kathy Warner (married to Marty Warner). I know we also recall what a gentle, kind, patient and loving mother and friend she was to her children, and how she treated all of us with love and respect. Kathy wrote a very difficult and disturbing book exposing truths about her divorce from Marty. Her story illuminates the unimaginable grief of losing contact with all eight of their children, and the inhumane manner in which she was treated by her religious community and the legal system. For those of you who haven't read it, it is titled Bonshea: Making Light of the Dark, (by Coral Anika Theill... due to reasons explained in the book, Kathy was compelled to change her legal name). This is not a tattle-tale novel written as a "pay back." Rather, it is a groundbreaking text for learning-- And, a document from a mother to her children.
I am writing everyone to urge you to, please, read her words. You may come to different conclusions than I have, and that is okay, but we owe it to her to hear her out. I have spoken to a couple of cousins who have read her book, secretly, and happen to believe her story. I believe it, too. It is curious to me that we feel we have to hide our knowledge of her truth. What, or who, are we afraid of? I know, for me, I had to get over a certain amount of fear that by sharing my feelings regarding this situation I might cause pain to our Warner relatives. What has propelled me beyond this fear is the wish to keep my integrity. After reading Coral's story, I simply could not remain silent.
I will not say a negative word about Aunt Helen. She has been very good to me, always. She is mentioned in the book, by name, and at times not shown in a favorable light due to her support and assistance to Marty, in and outside the courts. I suspect the way she is portrayed in the book may cause her pain. Dan O'Halloran and his wife are also mentioned in Coral's attempt to explain how united family members and extreme religious zeal kept her confined to a marriage she desperately desired out of for health and safety reasons.
Over the years, I have thought of our cousin Kathy (Coral), from time to time. I have pondered her existence, and tried to fathom how in the world she survived losing all of her babies. I know what that would have done to my mother. It would have killed her, broken her heart to pieces.
But Coral has been living an amazing journey of heart and soul. She is a relative to be very proud of. She is stronger and braver than any of us.
This leads me to another notion, and a point I want to make strongly. If our "in-laws" are not treated like first rate family members, if we don't also stand in their corner when needed, then we better let all of them know that if the chips are ever down, they are on their own. I don't want to believe that about our family, but in the case of Coral, we certainly let her down. Not one of us stood up in her defense. Granted, most of us weren't paying much attention to what was happening, and that is a crying shame.
If you are like me, you have wondered how such a great mom lost so much. I know that the news of Coral losing custody of all those beautiful kids never set right with either my conscience or my consciousness. The court records from 1995 to 2008 are a matter of public record in Polk County, Oregon (In case any of us, or her children, ever wish to examine what actually transpired. If we want to know how, and why, a mother who committed no crime of negligence or violence, of any kind, ever, lost the rights to her children). That just doesn't happen.... It shouldn't ever happen.
Coral did suffer extreme exhaustion and healh issues at some points during the marriage, (as did many of our own mothers) but she was not allowed to heal in a manner befitting herself. For details regarding her mistreatment, read the book. Being "exorcised for demons" and being left in a religious halfway house because she was "cursed by God" isn't treatment any of our mothers had to endure.
However, before their 8th child was born in 1995, Coral had regained health and was caring for herself and all of the children for a year before the temporary custody hearings in 1996. Coral passed four psychological exams at the time of losing the kids, including the baby, who was nursing. As far as I can tell, Coral was anything but "whacked." We were told she was crazy, weren't we? But, she had the support of her OBGyn and longtime friends and neighbors in her decision to seek safety and a divorce from Marty.
I won't go into the reasons she had such difficult times throughout her marriage to Marty, I think we all know, in our guts. Everything is in the book, if you will only read it. We should be very proud of her accomplishments in spite of the adversities she has had to overcome. Her book, Bonshea, is used as a college text at Linfield College for nursing students studying trauma recovery, domestic violence, marital rape, abuse and legal stalking. She has been nominated for three national awards due to her advocate work, and was selected for the "Woman of Courage" award.
We can not undo what has been done. We can let her children know that we all remember their mother in a good light. We can let them know that we all admired and loved her. We can let them know their mother is someone to be very proud of. We can let them know she should be honored. We can let them know, if we wish, that we let their mother down when she needed our support.
We can ask Marty to stop persecuting Coral with court issues. She has been taken to court and court hearings over 42 times, in and of itself, an expense she cannot afford. Marty sued her for $500.00 a month at the time of the divorce, and in 1999 sued her for $1,074.00 a month in child support. (Isn't Marty a well paid engineer? Coral lives on disability and social security from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and health issues related to it.) Coral did not have the money, and her visitation rights with the children were removed. She does not have the money to hire attorneys to seek visitation with her children, or appeal the judgment against her.
We can ask Marty to release her from paying over $6,000.00 in back child support which she was, and is, unable to pay and has been penalized additional amounts-- If she cannot pay, she may have to go to jail. As a family, we shouldn't let that happen. We can help this time.
(In addition, Coral's passport has been revoked due to child support she was unable to pay, and Marty has refused to relinquish her personal journals, which were court ordered to her in 1996).
We can ask Marty to encourage his children to respect and honor their mother. It seems the children's extreme religious training has made them disrespectful of their mother's belief systems.
We can ask Marty to repay the child support Coral paid when she shouldn't have, and to provide restitution for the expenses she has accrued through perpetual court trauma. Marty appealed the case in 2004 - 2005 to the Oregon State of Appeals, attempting to sue her for an additional $50,000 in child support. At the time, Coral was homeless, destitute and disabled. Forced to represent herself, she wrote a 65-page brief in her own defense. Marty's appeal was denied.
We can ask Marty to respect his children's mother by insuring that she has the food and health care she needs to live comfortably.
We can ask Marty to let her live in peace, as best as she is able, considering her tremendous losses. No more court dates. Enough is Enough!
I remember when Marty wrote a letter asking all of us to support him during the horrible divorce. I guess, by our collective silence, we did as he asked. Now, I am asking him to support the well being of his ex-wife and the mother of all of those awesome kids. I hope, after you read the book, you will feel moved to do the same.
My mother could have gone stark ravin' mad, and my dad would have never let her endure the humiliations Coral has survived. Can you imagine Aunt Betty Lu living our of her car? Can you imagine Aunt Barbara losing custody of her children? Even Uncle Red, who we all know is guilty of cruel transgressions against his wife and children, still has family support... What in God's name did Coral do? Why has she been shunned?
Coral's story gains more and more professional and media attention every day. See Tim King of Salem-News, or you can google "Coral Anika Theill in the news". I wouldn't be surprised to see her story on prime time, one day. I hate to see our family name drug through the mud, but maybe, we deserve it. We especially deserve it if we refuse to speak up when presented with new information.
You know, we can tout our Irish-Catholic legacy of speaking up for the oppressed and the down trodden, we can beat our chests and wear it like a badge of honor. But to me, if we don't speak up about those very injustices within our own ranks, then the legacy (handed down by John and Nellie) is a little more than a tin badge worn by pretenders, and that is nothing to be proud of.
I apologize if I have ruffled feathers, or caused pain to anyone, but I am not sorry for asking you to serach out the truth for yourselves. I love our family deeply, but we are far from perfect. There are truths about our family none of us wish to see, but by turning a blind eye, it appears we have allowed one of our own to perpetuate harm upon others, in that regard, we are weak, and have much in common with most families. However, we are strong in our love, and so unique in accepting all of our differences, which is what sets up apart from most families.
I know we just want to have fun.... but sometimes we need to look at things, which hurt us, if we really want to be a strong and good family. Even more, we need to talk about it. Ask questions. What good is knowing the truth if no one has the guts to confront the person causing harm? We try very hard to be fair in our family. I think we have been more than fair with our cousin, Marty. I think he needs to step up and be fair to the mother of his children. You don't have to agree with me, but I want you to hear me. Hear Coral, treat her like family. Read her book, Bonshea, (published by iUniverse Publishing, 2003, ISNB 0-595-25658-9) Available through Amazon.com, Border's Books, your local bookstore, and most local libraries.
Love,
Kate O'Halloran
(Signed)
Please express your thoughts to:
Marty Warner
Independence, OR 97351
Phone: (503) 838-1662
We all remember with great fondness, I know, our cousin, Kathy Warner (married to Marty Warner). I know we also recall what a gentle, kind, patient and loving mother and friend she was to her children, and how she treated all of us with love and respect. Kathy wrote a very difficult and disturbing book exposing truths about her divorce from Marty. Her story illuminates the unimaginable grief of losing contact with all eight of their children, and the inhumane manner in which she was treated by her religious community and the legal system. For those of you who haven't read it, it is titled Bonshea: Making Light of the Dark, (by Coral Anika Theill... due to reasons explained in the book, Kathy was compelled to change her legal name). This is not a tattle-tale novel written as a "pay back." Rather, it is a groundbreaking text for learning-- And, a document from a mother to her children.
I am writing everyone to urge you to, please, read her words. You may come to different conclusions than I have, and that is okay, but we owe it to her to hear her out. I have spoken to a couple of cousins who have read her book, secretly, and happen to believe her story. I believe it, too. It is curious to me that we feel we have to hide our knowledge of her truth. What, or who, are we afraid of? I know, for me, I had to get over a certain amount of fear that by sharing my feelings regarding this situation I might cause pain to our Warner relatives. What has propelled me beyond this fear is the wish to keep my integrity. After reading Coral's story, I simply could not remain silent.
I will not say a negative word about Aunt Helen. She has been very good to me, always. She is mentioned in the book, by name, and at times not shown in a favorable light due to her support and assistance to Marty, in and outside the courts. I suspect the way she is portrayed in the book may cause her pain. Dan O'Halloran and his wife are also mentioned in Coral's attempt to explain how united family members and extreme religious zeal kept her confined to a marriage she desperately desired out of for health and safety reasons.
Over the years, I have thought of our cousin Kathy (Coral), from time to time. I have pondered her existence, and tried to fathom how in the world she survived losing all of her babies. I know what that would have done to my mother. It would have killed her, broken her heart to pieces.
But Coral has been living an amazing journey of heart and soul. She is a relative to be very proud of. She is stronger and braver than any of us.
This leads me to another notion, and a point I want to make strongly. If our "in-laws" are not treated like first rate family members, if we don't also stand in their corner when needed, then we better let all of them know that if the chips are ever down, they are on their own. I don't want to believe that about our family, but in the case of Coral, we certainly let her down. Not one of us stood up in her defense. Granted, most of us weren't paying much attention to what was happening, and that is a crying shame.
If you are like me, you have wondered how such a great mom lost so much. I know that the news of Coral losing custody of all those beautiful kids never set right with either my conscience or my consciousness. The court records from 1995 to 2008 are a matter of public record in Polk County, Oregon (In case any of us, or her children, ever wish to examine what actually transpired. If we want to know how, and why, a mother who committed no crime of negligence or violence, of any kind, ever, lost the rights to her children). That just doesn't happen.... It shouldn't ever happen.
Coral did suffer extreme exhaustion and healh issues at some points during the marriage, (as did many of our own mothers) but she was not allowed to heal in a manner befitting herself. For details regarding her mistreatment, read the book. Being "exorcised for demons" and being left in a religious halfway house because she was "cursed by God" isn't treatment any of our mothers had to endure.
However, before their 8th child was born in 1995, Coral had regained health and was caring for herself and all of the children for a year before the temporary custody hearings in 1996. Coral passed four psychological exams at the time of losing the kids, including the baby, who was nursing. As far as I can tell, Coral was anything but "whacked." We were told she was crazy, weren't we? But, she had the support of her OBGyn and longtime friends and neighbors in her decision to seek safety and a divorce from Marty.
I won't go into the reasons she had such difficult times throughout her marriage to Marty, I think we all know, in our guts. Everything is in the book, if you will only read it. We should be very proud of her accomplishments in spite of the adversities she has had to overcome. Her book, Bonshea, is used as a college text at Linfield College for nursing students studying trauma recovery, domestic violence, marital rape, abuse and legal stalking. She has been nominated for three national awards due to her advocate work, and was selected for the "Woman of Courage" award.
We can not undo what has been done. We can let her children know that we all remember their mother in a good light. We can let them know that we all admired and loved her. We can let them know their mother is someone to be very proud of. We can let them know she should be honored. We can let them know, if we wish, that we let their mother down when she needed our support.
We can ask Marty to stop persecuting Coral with court issues. She has been taken to court and court hearings over 42 times, in and of itself, an expense she cannot afford. Marty sued her for $500.00 a month at the time of the divorce, and in 1999 sued her for $1,074.00 a month in child support. (Isn't Marty a well paid engineer? Coral lives on disability and social security from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and health issues related to it.) Coral did not have the money, and her visitation rights with the children were removed. She does not have the money to hire attorneys to seek visitation with her children, or appeal the judgment against her.
We can ask Marty to release her from paying over $6,000.00 in back child support which she was, and is, unable to pay and has been penalized additional amounts-- If she cannot pay, she may have to go to jail. As a family, we shouldn't let that happen. We can help this time.
(In addition, Coral's passport has been revoked due to child support she was unable to pay, and Marty has refused to relinquish her personal journals, which were court ordered to her in 1996).
We can ask Marty to encourage his children to respect and honor their mother. It seems the children's extreme religious training has made them disrespectful of their mother's belief systems.
We can ask Marty to repay the child support Coral paid when she shouldn't have, and to provide restitution for the expenses she has accrued through perpetual court trauma. Marty appealed the case in 2004 - 2005 to the Oregon State of Appeals, attempting to sue her for an additional $50,000 in child support. At the time, Coral was homeless, destitute and disabled. Forced to represent herself, she wrote a 65-page brief in her own defense. Marty's appeal was denied.
We can ask Marty to respect his children's mother by insuring that she has the food and health care she needs to live comfortably.
We can ask Marty to let her live in peace, as best as she is able, considering her tremendous losses. No more court dates. Enough is Enough!
I remember when Marty wrote a letter asking all of us to support him during the horrible divorce. I guess, by our collective silence, we did as he asked. Now, I am asking him to support the well being of his ex-wife and the mother of all of those awesome kids. I hope, after you read the book, you will feel moved to do the same.
My mother could have gone stark ravin' mad, and my dad would have never let her endure the humiliations Coral has survived. Can you imagine Aunt Betty Lu living our of her car? Can you imagine Aunt Barbara losing custody of her children? Even Uncle Red, who we all know is guilty of cruel transgressions against his wife and children, still has family support... What in God's name did Coral do? Why has she been shunned?
Coral's story gains more and more professional and media attention every day. See Tim King of Salem-News, or you can google "Coral Anika Theill in the news". I wouldn't be surprised to see her story on prime time, one day. I hate to see our family name drug through the mud, but maybe, we deserve it. We especially deserve it if we refuse to speak up when presented with new information.
You know, we can tout our Irish-Catholic legacy of speaking up for the oppressed and the down trodden, we can beat our chests and wear it like a badge of honor. But to me, if we don't speak up about those very injustices within our own ranks, then the legacy (handed down by John and Nellie) is a little more than a tin badge worn by pretenders, and that is nothing to be proud of.
I apologize if I have ruffled feathers, or caused pain to anyone, but I am not sorry for asking you to serach out the truth for yourselves. I love our family deeply, but we are far from perfect. There are truths about our family none of us wish to see, but by turning a blind eye, it appears we have allowed one of our own to perpetuate harm upon others, in that regard, we are weak, and have much in common with most families. However, we are strong in our love, and so unique in accepting all of our differences, which is what sets up apart from most families.
I know we just want to have fun.... but sometimes we need to look at things, which hurt us, if we really want to be a strong and good family. Even more, we need to talk about it. Ask questions. What good is knowing the truth if no one has the guts to confront the person causing harm? We try very hard to be fair in our family. I think we have been more than fair with our cousin, Marty. I think he needs to step up and be fair to the mother of his children. You don't have to agree with me, but I want you to hear me. Hear Coral, treat her like family. Read her book, Bonshea, (published by iUniverse Publishing, 2003, ISNB 0-595-25658-9) Available through Amazon.com, Border's Books, your local bookstore, and most local libraries.
Love,
Kate O'Halloran
(Signed)
Please express your thoughts to:
Marty Warner
Independence, OR 97351
Phone: (503) 838-1662
PS For the past ten years, Coral has lived under a "state address confidentiality program" for protection and safety concerns.
"Justice inclines her scales so that wisdom comes at the price of suffering." - Aeschylus
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