Coral Anika Theill: SUMMARY OF BONSHEÁ - Making Light of the Dark by Coral Anika Theill

For nearly twenty years, I was married to a man, who ruled his household with absolute authority. His personal justification for his behavior came, from Biblical scripture. During this time I bore him eight children (and suffered three miscarriages), home schooled, renovated three houses, baked, canned, gardened, etc..... I was treated as a possession (slave). In the course of my marriage I was drawn (against my will) into several extreme Christian cults which emphasized patriarchal authority and the obedience of women.

SUMMARY OF BONSHEÁ - Making Light of the Dark

Documents from 1973 to 2011

by Coral Anika Theill

I was born in Tawas City, Michigan and grew up in Washington State. I was a straight 'A' student, president of Honor Society, valedictorian of my high school class and voted most likely to succeed and most academic. I had received my solo pilot's license by the time I was seventeen years old. I volunteered in nursing homes, at schools for the blind and deaf, and took care of a mother who was ill during much of my youth. During my childhood, I suffered years of sexual molestation, physical, mental, verbal and emotional abuse. I do not blame my parents or my childhood for the way my life unfolded.

After high school, I enrolled in court reporter law/school. Twelve months later, I was working as a secretary, bailiff clerk and juvenile court reporter for two Superior Court judges of the State of Washington. My job gave me experience and exposure to our judicial system and to sheriffs, crisis care teams, and district attorneys. I worked for two years prior to my marriage.

Although, I realized shortly after our marriage that my husband's belief system was going to create my own personal hell on earth, I tried to uphold my vows and survive. My children were my joy, and I learned that obedience in all things was the only way to maintain some semblance of health and normalcy for them.

Eight months after the birth of my seventh child, Hannah, I suffered a nervous breakdown. I had delivered Hannah at home and hemorrhaged severely. My husband would not allow me to schedule an appointment with my obstetrician because he said it would be too expensive (although he bought a tractor and donated a large sum of money to a religious couple that same month). I had no household help and was isolated on a small farm. Physical exhaustion (I was still nursing Hannah and expected to maintain a perfect house), birth trauma and a home environment that gave no support contributed to my mental and physical collapse in April 1993.

My husband's response to my breakdown was to isolate me further. Although he did take me to several psychiatrists and other doctors, he would not permit me to talk to any of them alone. He brought his mother in to live with us, which increased the level of abuse. She was very vocal in expressing her hatred and disgust towards me, insinuating that if I had been an obedient wife and faithful Catholic (like her), God would not be punishing me.

I became increasingly suicidal. My husband took me to several Christian "counselors". They told me I was a selfish woman and that I had a serious spiritual problem. God was punishing me because I had not learned how to submit to my husband and the religious "authorities" God had placed over me. In other words, I was in sin. On one of these trips, with my wrists bandaged from my attempt to cut them against an electric grinding wheel, my husband took me to a motel and used me sexually . I was again pregnant. I was mentally so broken and traumatized at this time that I have little recollection of the early part of that pregnancy.

In November of 1993, I saw Dr. Charles Kuttner. He admitted me to the Woodland Park Mental Hospital for several days of observation. The hospital experience added more trauma. I miscarried in December 1993. The night after the D & C, I remember crying uncontrollably. My husband beat me, put a pillow over my face and smothered me until I stopped crying out loud. The next day I was put in the van with all of the children and we drove 200 miles to spend Christmas at his sister's house.

My husband then put me in a Christian "half-way" house to "break me" (his words) to the will of God. The house was filthy, rat-infested and we (ex-cons, prostitutes, and street people) were forced to march with our arms held up in the air and sing "Nothing but the Blood of Jesus" at the top of our lungs before we could eat. My brother rescued me from this place and I spent several months living with him before my husband came to take me back home. (Please note: My husband's estate, at this time, was over a quarter- of- a million dollars, his monthly pay almost $6,000 a month, and we were totally debt-free)

In September 1994, my husband took me to the Indianapolis Training Center in Indianapolis, Indiana, for counseling and reprimand. This "Christian" training center is run by Mr. Bill Gothard of Basic Youth Conflicts.

Bill Gothard became one of the most celebrated figures in the fundamentalist and conservative evangelical segments of American Christianity in the mid 1980’s and packed auditoriums from coast to coast with a message of strict morality and biblical authority. His six-day, rally-like seminars were based in the belief God’s divine authority is passed through a "chain of command"–conflicts can be solved "if employees obey their bosses, children obey their mothers, wives obey their husbands and husbands answer to God."

It has been widely reported in the mainstream press and in several Christian publications, including "The Bible For Today," and "Christianity Today," that the training center staff grossly abused their religious authoritarian positions and sexually molested and defrauded young women working for the Institute. It has also been documented that Bill Gothard and the Center are guilty of financial fraud and extravagantly misspend as much as $40 million in donations, and exerted extraordinary psychological control over institute employees. (Documentation can be obtained through "The Bible For Today," Collingswood, N.J., in "Bill Gothard’s Sex Scandals "Watergate? or Waterloo? - An Evaluation of Some of the Primary Documentation" by Rev. D. A. Waite, Th.D., Ph.D. Rev. D. A. Waite’s 140 pages of documentation includes many newspaper articles, court documentation and letters.)

Once again, at the Bill Gothard Training Institute, I was told how I had not learned how to submit to my husband and religious "authorities" and that God was punishing me because of my rebellious spirit. I was accused of "witchcraft" and they tried, through prayer and exorcism, to cast demons out of me on a daily basis. I managed to escape and returned to my brother's house.

In October of 1994 I was living apart from my husband. I was staying with my brother in Washington State healing from my previous mental/nervous breakdown I had suffered after the birth of my seventh child. While I was in a near catatonic state, my husband picked me up from my brother's residence and took me to a motel and again fulfilled his physical needs. I became pregnant with my eighth child. During this pregnancy, I was beaten on several occasions by my husband.

Zachary, my eighth child, was born on July 13, 1995, at the hospital in Albany, Oregon. I hemorrhaged again and my husband did not want the doctors to treat me. They did, however, and I believe they saved my life against my husband's wishes. Somehow, in that nine-month period of pregnancy I managed to regain some of my sanity. I was still emotionally and physically exhausted. I also came to the decision that continuing in this way of life would eventually kill me.

My husband initiated sexual relations soon after Zachary was born. In October 1995, I asked my husband to respect my wishes (abstinence) and allow my body to heal from the birth and former trauma. Because he had not honored my wishes before, I began to barricade the door to my bedroom at night. Three months after Zachary was born, my husband attempted to have sex with me, although my doctors had made it clear that this was very dangerous for my health. I did not obey and he tried to rape me.

I filed for a legal separation in December 1995. I believed, at that point, that I had come out into the light from a very dark place. I had not foreseen the horrors of the courts and our "justice" system. In December 1995, I received a restraining order to protect me from my husband. He fought it, and my restraining order was overturned. I was ordered to return to the house with our children. After the hearing, I filed for a divorce in Polk County and fled with my youngest children and went into hiding. I was physically afraid for my safety and the safety of my children.

To make a long story short, I went through an extended temporary custody hearing and a divorce trial. My eight children were given to my husband (including a nursing baby) and I was ordered to pay child support. During this time I underwent thirty-five hours of abusive and oppressive depositions. I also underwent five psychiatric exams to prove my mental well-being in Court. My psychiatrists recommendation to the Court was that my younger children remain with me. My husband had gone to great lengths to "prove" I was "crazy" (all the while professing to the judge that he "loved" me and wanted me back). I had not worked outside the home in almost 20 years and yet my child support was set at $500.00 per month. The judge acknowledged that I was a frail woman who may have another nervous breakdown in the next few years.

The court ordered visitation was a nightmare because my husband refused to comply unless it fit with his own plans. He also used visitation as a means to abuse and control me. I would arrive to pick up the younger children at an agreed-upon time and he would refuse to let the children out of the house. I was not allowed to participate in the children's school activities, as was Court Ordered, because my former husband and the school principal said, "I was an enemy of the cross of Christ." My children were told constantly that I was "sick", evil, wicked and immoral. The conflict this put them through was very painful to me and although mentally more healthy than I would have thought possible a few years before, I am still fragile physically and emotionally.

I have sought help from seven lawyers, seven judges, seven doctors, a private investigator, two sheriffs, two district attorneys, two custody evaluators, a mediator, four safe homes in Corvallis, Dallas, Salem and The Dalles, (none became actively involved), Legal Aid, the Crime Victims' Compensation Program, the Governor’s Council on Domestic Violence, the Attorney General’s Sexual Assault Task Force, US Attorney Karen Immergut and finally US Staff Attorney, Naomi Stern, for domestic violence, poverty and homelessness in Washington D.C. To date, I have attended approximately 42 court related hearings from 1995-2007.

I also have twenty years of documentation and mental scars to prove that there is no "help" within America's church and religious system. I am thankful for the heartfelt support and compassion from doctors and friends, but no one seems to have the ability or authority to help me become free and emancipated from my former husband. He plans to destroy me and ruin my life. I still believe I have the right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

I have spent thousands of dollars on attorney fees and owe over $150,000 in attorney fees and court related expenses. I qualify for bankruptcy. I tried, in October 1998, to get support reduced based on the fact that my oldest daughters were twenty years old, not living at home and not attending college. I have also gained custody of my eldest son who was kicked out of his father's house for defying his authority. I have now been counter-sued by my husband for his legal fees, additional support, and he has obtained several court orders against me so I now have contempt of court orders hanging over my head.

The district attorney's office, which originally started the effort to get support reduced, has refused to help further because my ex-husband will not be reasonable. I signed an "At Risk" form in the district attorneys' office before I went into hiding in October 1998. The contempt orders against me are a form of harassment. My ex-husband is demanding I give my address. I don't believe I should be forced to give my address to a person I am trying to stay safe from. My support is automatically paid out of a bank account and I no longer have contact or visitation with my younger children.

I have exhausted my personal resources. My last attorney believed that if I was willing to give up all visitation rights (which I had already done to escape my former husband's abuse and control over me) it would be a simple matter of exchanging a few letters with my ex-husband's attorney. He later shared with me that I would have to go to court and for that he would have required $2,000 to $4,000 or more to start the process. A previous lawyer believed that this should be a criminal case. I was not represented in Court and lost by default several months later. As a result, I was counter sued by my husband for his legal fees of $3,311.27 for a case the District Attorney initiated, my visitation rights were removed, and my child support payments were doubled to $1,074.00 per month. I am at a loss, and it is difficult to continue to have faith in a legal system that is based on similar authoritarian and paternalistic models as my marriage. (Presently, I have no attorney for financial reasons.)

In March 1999, I filed rape charges against my former husband, Mr. V. Martin Warner with the police and sheriff departments of two separate counties (Polk and Wasco) for using me sexually and impregnating me twice during the period of my mental breakdown. They have documented the crime and the evidence is also available in my civil divorce case. One district attorney has refused to prosecute Mr. Warner because she does not believe a jury would convict a husband of rape. Another district attorney did not want the incident to be investigated. Rape Count I is described in Chapter 743, Oregon Laws 1971, 163.375. Rape in the first degree is a Class A felony.

I am increasingly concerned for the health and safety of my children. The farther removed I get from my ex-husband's power, the more he focuses his rage at me on the children. I have reports from my younger daughters that they are sleeping in their father's room. The youngest children are afraid to return to the house when their older sister is in charge. She tells them that she wants to kill me and hits and kicks them. I believe this child seriously needs help. The only help her father has given her is to take her to Christian counselors for prayer and purification sessions.

My mind is healthy now, but I am unemployed and my doctors have written a certificate of disability because of my fragile physical and mental condition. The fact that this man can continue to threaten me through the judicial system and that he has the power to harm my children is doing more to keeping me on the slippery slope than anything else. My doctors feel that I am suffering from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from years of abuse and cult "brainwashing".

I believe that now the only hope for my escape from this cycle of abuse and for the safety of my children is in exposing this situation. I am in need of a champion. I need a lawyer who will take up the challenge and fight in my behalf. I need help.

I also need someone to tell this story to the world so that other women who are as trapped and oppressed can hear that there is a way out. This story must be told so that the society that aids and abets the men and the religions that seek to treat women as slaves might change and my suffering will not have been totally in vain.

"And the time came when the pain to remain tight in the bud

became greater than the risk it took to blossom." ...Anais Nin

Respectfully submitted by:

Coral Anika Theill

Author, Advocate, & Free Lance Reporter

nee: Kathryn Y. Warner

Update: On December 19, 2003, I was sued for an additional $4,900.00 in child support to be paid to my ex-husband, Mr. Martin Warner. I am now under the Polk County District Attorney’s Support Enforcement Division. I am virtually homeless, unemployed and have a disability waiver. I was also ordered to have no further contact with my children. All contact by mail is prohibited. I am not allowed to send my children gifts or attend any school activity or games. I was given the right to write my children one last letter. Judge Paula Brownhill recommended that Mr. Warner provide psychological counseling for the children so they can better understand why their mother is not in their life.

Mr. Warner was suing me also for writing my children, for e-mailing my children and for attending my high school son’s football games. The judge did not respond to Mr. Warner’s complaints. All further support is terminated. I pray this will be the last time I will be inside an Oregon courtroom. After thirty court trials and deposition hearings these past eight years and over $200,000 in court and attorney fees, this may soon come to an end. I long to be emancipated from my former husband, Mr. Warner. My 24 year old daughter, Sarah (Warner) Bobeda and her husband, Ben Bobeda attended the court hearing in support of my ex-husband, Mr. Marty Warner (Sarah's father).

Update: (See eight News articles on my life story and published book BONSHEA at http://salem-news.com by Tim King, Editor, Salem-News.com

Mr. Warner and his attorneys took me to court again in April 2004. They were not pleased that my child support had been terminated even though I was literally homeless, destitute and disabled. They appealed this case to the Oregon State of Appeals in April 2004. I had no attorney or monies, so I had to write my own 65 legal brief without a law degree. The Oregon State of Appeals denied Mr. Warner and his attorneys appeal to sue me for $50,000 or more in child support for his alleged day care fees, etc. throughout the years. Mr. Warner was also contesting the fact that I did not want to see the children once a month for a supervised visitation. I am not mentally ill, there is nothing wrong with me and I refuse to be treated as though I am some criminal after being a good nurturing mother to my children for 20 years. A breakdown is not a crime and people do recover, especially if they get safe from their abusers and rapists.

In October 2006, there was another hearing in Polk County, Judge Paula Brownhill presiding. Mr. Warner was awarded the 12% interest on the $4,900 child support debt, so another $1,200 was awarded to him, with 12% interest each month. My passport is now permanently revoked. because of past due child support. Mr. Warner has attempted to get my driver’s license suspended in the past due to child support owed. I have heard of other mothers in similar situations who could not afford child support due to disability and poverty and ended up in jail for a couple years until someone "found them" and helped provide legal help. I hope and pray that is not my demise. I am praying to be emancipated from Mr. Warner and the Oregon courts in 2007.

In May, Tim King of Salem-News wrote an excellent article on my life story and book, BONSHEA, which has received wonderful comments and response. I will hope this effort helps raise awareness of this very horrific mis-use of the American justice system.

In addition to the Oregon court trauma, my physician, Dr. Charles Kuttner, committed a breach of confidentiality in 1998, giving my personal client information and phone number to a friend of his, (a non-licensed psuedo therapist) who was a predator, con artist and thief. I was stalked, threatened, and robbed by this criminal and finally when seeking safety, was beaten and strangled in an attempted murder incident by him in Olympia, Washington, August 2000. I was granted a restraining order against him by the Washington State Courts.

I reported my physician, Dr. Charles Kuttner, to the Oregon State Medical Board in 2004, and gave them pages of documentation of my physicians letters admitting what he had done, but the Oregon Medical Board found "nothing wrong" with this unethical behavior. An Oregon Circuit Court Judge, did, though and Judge Tom Hart, wanted to give me a jury trial as he was appalled and shocked by what this doctor had done to me, but an attorney who handled the filing of this case, filed one day too late, missing the deadline with the statute of limitations. I still hope for apologies and restitution from both of these psuedo therapists, and I pray for their future victims.

Coral Anika Theill's life story is documented at http://salem-news.com and http://ncadv.org

May-8-2010: A Mother Does Not Forget Her Children: First March on Washington for Mothers of Lost Children - Coral Anika Theill Salem-News.com

May-10-2010: SILENT VIGIL AT WHITE HOUSE: Mothers of Lost Children - Coral Anika Theill Salem-News.com

May-12-2007: Abuse Under the Watch of Oregon's Justice System - Tim King Salem-News.com

Nov-29-2007: Welcome to Oregon: Land of Domestic Abuse Endorsement - Coral Anika Theill Special to Salem-News.com

Nov-28-2007: Marital Rape and Abuse Victim Seeks Justice From Oregon's Governor - Coral Anika Theill Special to Salem-News.com

May-29-2008: What Abuse Survivors Expect from the Portland Crime Victims Conference - Tim King Salem-News.com

May-10-2009: Oregon Should Consider Coral Theill this Mother's Day - Tim King Salem-News.com

February 26, 2010 - "The Gift of Healing is Our Birthright - What an Advocate Looks Like" by Coral Anika Theill Salem-News.com

http://www.salem-news.com/articles/february262010/recovery_ct.php

by Coral Anika Theill